


This Feeling Has a Name

by mickeygrumpovich



Series: Gallavich Series 1 [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, angst with happy ending, comforting!ian, insecure!mickey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1908993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeygrumpovich/pseuds/mickeygrumpovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a sequel type thing for 'Fuck You Is What You Were Invited To' and this one is set a couple of weeks after it. Its some angst and stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Feeling Has a Name

**Author's Note:**

> idk send kudos and what not.

Mickey was so fucked. The ex con could no longer protect himself in a blanket of denial. He had finally admitted it to himself, he feels something more than ‘like’ for Ian. Well fuck he might as well wear a rainbow flag because he loved the fucker. Although it was a thought that had his mind reeling. Mickey’s dream of a ‘one true love’ was shattered when his mother slumped against the Milkovich walls bruised and beaten by her so called husband. Once his mother left, she took Mickey’s faith in relationships, and heck all of his aspirations as well.

 

Mickey had long given up thinking about a person of his own, one who would love him and what not. That is until now. Since that sleepover the pair had changed.

 

Their whole relationship changed. After they had sex, no longer did Mickey scramble to put distance between them. The pair had also started to spend time together. Their relationship evolved from quick fucks and threats, to stolen kisses and secretive smiles.

 

Ian had recognized the change as well. Unlike before, he was able to get away with gentle touches as long as they had not vocally addressed it. Although the redhead couldn’t complain, it had taken him a long time to be at peace with his sexuality, and he realized that Mickey needs time as well. So in the meantime Ian would revel in their newfound closeness, whether or not they actually talked about it. It wasn’t a bad deal though, the pair loved the feel of the other, and it wasn’t limited to a sexual context.

 

It was the way Mickeys hands would linger a second longer when handing Ian his jacket, or how Ian’s toes would seek heat in Mickey’s when he slept over, and it was when they hung out and watched movies with Mandy that Ian would trace circles on the other man’s thigh under the blanket.

 

Both Ian and Mickey had realized that were no longer fuck buddies, but Mickey was not ready to formally label himself to the redhead.

 

“Yo Mick, I’m going to close up the back and we can go eat.” Ian called as he walked away from Mickey who was shedding his security jacket. The pair would sometimes go out to eat together. It wasn’t really a date, although it would be a close. Mickey’s excuse was that it’s just two friends eating together because eating alone was boring. Although Ian knew that Mickey just wanted to spend time with him. The thought brought a smile to his face as he locked up the back. Ian grabbed his wallet and jacket and was about to leave when he rounded back to the cash.

 

Ian dropped some money in and got a pack of smokes.

 

“There you are, Jesus that took forever” Mickey grumbled, groping his pockets for a smoke but coming up empty. Fuck that blows. Mickey thought, he was itching for a smoke, and became irritated that he didn’t think of getting a pack as he left the Kash n Grab.

 

Suddenly long fingers stuck a cigarette between the ex-cons lush lips and lit it for him. Mickey concealed a smile and breathed in smoke. The other boys eyes were shining, and it threw Mickey how goddamn domestic they had become.

 

Ian had noticed that Mickey finished a pack just before his shift, and reminded Mickey to get another because he was bound to forget. The older man brushed it off and said he wouldn’t forget, but Ian knew Mickey a bit better than that.

 

“Keep buying me shit and you’ll never get rid of me firecrotch.” Mickey joked, smirking up at the redhead. Ian smiled back and didn’t even think about what he was saying, it really was automatic. “I don’t want to get rid of you though.” and that sounded so firm, and so sure that Mickey felt his insides bubble with happiness. Mickey had no idea what to say to that, so instead he opted for silence.

 

Ian wasn’t fazed by the silent man next to him; instead he just swiftly changed the topic.

 

Mickey soon eased up and started to speak again, although Ian’s words swirled around his gut like a goddamn snake. Mickey would never understand why Ian- who could get whoever he wanted- would settle for someone like Mickey. He wasn’t an idiot, he could understand that he was mildly attractive and good in bed, but he had no other outstanding qualities, while for Ian he could write volumes on his good characteristics and traits.

 

The pair soon came up in front of a diner called Vitto’s. It was small and looked pretty old, but the food was decent for Southside. Stepping inside, the smell of grease and air freshener was familiar. Mickey and Ian had gone here a couple of times, due to its closeness to the store.

 

They sat down at a booth in the corner of the diner, where there wasn’t a lot of people and waited for their waitress. Ian continued talking about west point, and Mickey pushed down the feeling of sadness. Mickey hated that Ian wanted to get into west point, but he knew that even though it pissed him off, he loved the fact that Ian had dreams. And because it was important to Ian, Mickey never said anything.

 

“Oh hey, It’s you two!” some waitress squealed as she walked up to their table promptly ending their conversation. Mickey shot her a questioning glare, and Ian looked at her confused. They didn’t know her, although her name tag says Amy, it brought no memories forward.

 

Catching up on their confused looks, Amy explains. “I see you two in here all the time. You two are so cute together!” She says, smiling. And that’s when Ian knew that the only foreseeable future due to that remark was Mickey screaming at the girl and stomping out, so Ian decided to try and diffuse the situation before that happened. “We’re not together, but we would like to order now if that’s possible.”  Ian said quickly, keeping his face neutral and giving nothing away. The girl apologized, her face red. They proceeded to order some burgers and fries once she pulled out her notepad.

 

Mickey shouldn’t have taken Ian’s comment so hard but he couldn’t help it. The way Ian said it made Mickey realize that they were not together. Sure, Mickey wasn’t going to tell her anything besides what Ian said, but the fact that Ian was technically single made Mickey angry, but not at Ian.

 

Mickey was pissed because he was a fucking coward. He was too afraid to tell Ian his feelings, and it made no sense. Mickey knew that if he told Ian he liked him, Ian would be over the fucking moon, but he just couldn’t say it, he couldn’t claim Ian as his. One day, if Ian grew tired of lying and pretending they didn’t like each other and moved on, Mickey didn’t even have the right to be mad.

 

Ian sensed that something was off when Mickey idly looked out the window, slowly eating some fries. Mickey looked deep in thought with his eyebrows furrowed, and Ian was confused. Was Mickey still pissed at what the girl said? Ian wished he was able to read minds, it would make understanding Mickey so much easier.

 

“Mick, you okay? You seem pissed or something…” Ian tried to say casually, but they both picked up at the worry coating his words, yet it was another thing they didn’t mention. Under the table, Ian slid his leg next to Mickey’s so they were touching.

 

The contact made Mickey feel grounded again, and he dismissed Ian’s worry with a “Nothing.”. Mickey made sure that his face didn’t betray him because of his thoughts.

 

Ian rolled his eyes at Mickey’s stoic face, and mumbled a sarcastic “Riiight” and the pair proceeded to finish eating.  Mickey was unable to stop his brain from creating scenarios where Ian would leave him. All Mickey could see in the future was Ian leaving and he knew that when Ian did, it would tear him in two. The thought sent a spiral of pain down his throat and into his gut.

 

Mickey knew that he wasn't much; he was fucked for life after all. But Ian… Ian was ambitious, he was going to get into the army, get out of Southside, and Mickey would be an anchor of his past and sooner or later Ian would leave.

 

The ex-con dwelled on this train of thought all the way out of the diner. Ian had noticed Mickey’s silence and knew that nothing he could say would make Mickey tell him right now, so he just fell silent alongside him.

 

Ian understood that Mickey wasn’t comfortable talking about feelings and all that, especially outside where they were both cautious. Ian then developed a plan; he took out his phone and texted Mandy.

 

**To: Mandy**

**hey, u up for taking my place at the home again? I wanna stay with my friend.**

**A few seconds later he got a reply. Damn she was fast.**

**To: Ian**

**oooohhh ;) your ‘friend’ huhhh? Youre going to tell me bout your bf one day right? And yeahh I can def change places. Ill come around 8:30**

**To: Mandy**

**One day (I hope) and thanks :)**

 

Once Ian closed his phone, he looked at the man next to him, still in deep thought. The pair continued walking until they got to an intersection. Ian hated this part, on his right was the road to the halfway home, and to the left was Mickey’s home. Mickey was brought out of his zombie like trance when they arrived.

 

“Ill see you at work then.” Mickey hastily replied and turned around. The whole thing made Ian’s gut churn and he felt like throwing up. Something was definitely on Mickey’s mind, and he hoped that his plan would work; he had decided to surprise Mickey and show up at his house to talk. The only way Mickey would tell him what was wrong was if Mandy was gone, and they were alone at home.

 

On the walk home, Mickey felt dread working its way up from his abdomen. The ex-con had been thinking about doing it the entire walk home, he knew it was for the best. Just like ripping the band aid off in one swift motion, Mickey was going to break up with Ian. Mickey decided that rather than get hurt later, he’d do it now so it wouldn’t be as painful.

 

The ex-con didn’t want to fall deeper for the redhead, and even though it might hurt Ian now, it would be the right thing to do in the end. Mickey decided to do it after work tomorrow.

 

Once he reached his home, he swiftly walked to his room ignoring his sister and collapsed into his bed. He refused to cry, and not a drop was spilled. Instead he just looked out the window and his thoughts engulfed him into sleep, even if it was only 7.

 

Jerking awake, Mickey looked around his room and panted heavily. He couldn’t remember the dream he had, but suddenly it didn’t matter because he heard a loud knock on his door, then it creaking open. He scrambled up to turn on the light and catch a clear look at the intruder, but what he saw made him drop his jaw.

 

“Gallagher? What the fuck are you doing here?” Mickey pelleted him with questions, confusion coloring his face.

 

“Switched with Mandy just now.” Ian explained a small smile on his face. Mickey tried to keep his face blank but it seemed to fail as Ian continued. “I think we need to talk.”

 

Mickey did not like the sound of that, but he realized this is a good opportunity to break things off. He grunted and sat down on the bed, Ian following with a worried look. Ian looked pointedly at Mickey, waiting for him to say something. Ian saw something in the other boys eyes that scared him, it was the look of a man cutting off his leg to survive, like a trapped animal, and a sense of dread filled the pit of Ian’s stomach.

 

Mickey realized Ian was not going to say anything until he had said what was on his mind, and he almost backed out, but managed to choke out

 

“Whatever we have between us, is over. Its for the best”

 

Ian flinched and horror filled his face. Mickey felt guilty at being the reason, but he willed his face to show nothing.

 

“Wait, Mickey.” Ian started, taking a calming breath before continuing.

“Why the fuck are you doing this? We’re good, we’re finally good so please don’t do this” Ian pleaded.

 

Ian had no idea what brought this on, all he could feel was hurt and fear inside of him. Mickey just averted his eyes and quietly mumbled “Its pointless anyways, just go…”

 

Ian suddenly grew angry.

 

“What do you mean it’s pointless? I will not go until you tell me the reason why you’re doing this. God Mickey I know we don’t talk about it but we like each other, we’re…together”

 

Ian’s rant softened at the end and it made Mickey feel like he was suffocating. He was hurting them both but it had to be done. Mickey tried to reassure himself and said “It was always going to end up like this. We’re no good, I’m not good for you and maybe you don’t see that now but you would have soon.”

 

Mickey bent down and tried to stop the tears that threatened to fall down, rubbing his palms into his eye sockets.

 

Ian suddenly understood. Mickey wasn’t tired of Ian or bored, no, Mickey was trying to break things off because he felt insecure in the relationship. It started to make sense as Ian pieced together what he said and Mickeys silence.

 

Ian felt his heart squeeze at the sight of Mickey taking deep breaths. The red head scooted closer to Mickey and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer.

 

“Mickey, I’m not going to leave you. Not in the future, or now for that matter.” Ian felt him take a breath but interrupted him before he could say anything else.

 

“Mickey I love you, and I know that you do too. I will not give up what we have, please trust me.” Ian said, his voice choking up in the end as he tried to control the tears that streamed down his face.

 

Mickey didn’t know what to do with the feeling of love that shot out of nowhere and filled him up. It erased the anger, but it left Mickey with one question.

 

“Why?”

 

Ian laughed, it was so out of place that it threw Mickey, but before Mickey could say or do anything Ian started,

 

“I love you because you’re a loud, and sarcastic thug who won’t show it, but cares so much and so deeply, and it makes my insides spew fucking rainbows when I look at you.”

 

Mickey started laughing at his words, trying not to cry of happiness. A fond smile spread between the two of them, and Mickey wrapped his arms around Ian and pulled him next to him on the bed.

 

They kissed, and it wasn’t about sex, it wasn’t passion, it was something Mickey had never understood until now. The feelings that Ian inspired in him had a name, its name is love. And for the very first time, Mickey was able to push out those three words.

 

“I love you”


End file.
